Change of Speed

Things have changed so much since my last post. Now it is the beginning of September, school is back in session and my life has calmed down so much.
Now I am working one job that is just 30 hours a week and taking a graduate level class. I never thought I would want to get a masters degree, but here I am! We will see what happens with it.
So my goal now is to blog regularly and work on my writing. I have more time on my hands and it feels both great and I am little unsure of what to do with myself.
One really positive aspect is that I have more time to spend on the apartment, which is something I have really been wanting to do. I got to "redesign" our bathroom. (Can't really do much since we are renting, but new towels and a new shower curtain go a long way:). Also, I have the energy to actually clean! Which is great. The highlight of it all is having time to cook and bake. Today I made tortillas, my mom's recipe, which are the tastiest tortillas in the world. My husband likes them, but since he didn't grow up on them like I did he is not as enamored.
We have decided to adopt a vegetarian eating style, which is kind of exciting, and challenging in a good way. I always thought I would just end up eating bread if I ever did that, but this has actually forced me to spend time and effort finding healthy recipes. Here are a couple favorites from these past couple weeks;
black bean and corn enchiladas and tuscan pasta with tomato-basil cream.
I hope you all have a wonderful Labor Day!

Stress

To begin with I am sitting on the couch watching Jurrasic Park, which brings back so many memories of when I was a kid, trying not to think about the week ahead of me. My husband is in the midst of final papers and projects. I feel so bad for him and how emotionally, physically, and mentally drained he is. But he is pushing through and getting everything he needs to done. I am so unbelievably proud of him!
I am trying to finish up my AmeriCorps hours, or at least the bulk of them, so that I can start my new job part-time tomorrow. This job is a blessing, but there is a lot of stress involved. So between me working endless hours and my husband working endless hours we have endless stress hovering around us.
This is not fun.
And causes tension and fights.
On a good note, soon school will be finished for the semester and year 1 of grad school will be done! Really amazing how time does fly.
But the point is that finals time is an incredibly stressful time. (I had blocked out how hard it was at the end of last semester). The goal is to remember that there is an end and to hang on.

A good song for a rainy day

I had heard this song before, but it had never really stuck with me. The past couple days have been rainy and dreary and this song makes me feel a little more cheery.
Agnes Obel- Just So

Questions

Sometimes interactions with certain people make me unsure of myself. This weekend I had a few of those. My husband helped put on a conference with some incredible authors; none of whom I had heard of, but all very interesting none the less. I attended a couple of events with him and could not help feeling a little bit out of my element. For the first time in a long time I could not think of anything to say to these people. Usually I am good at small talk. Getting people to open up and be chatty isn't something I struggle with. But I struggled at these events. Maybe it was because they all were really smart. Maybe it was because they were all huddled around in tight groups drinking wine. Or maybe it was because I didn't have anything in common with any of them! I have never been one to truly have a sense of belonging, but there is nothing like being in a room of Phd grad students and professors to really make me feel set apart.
In truth it wasn't all that bad. Other than some socially awkward moments (which shall not be discussed here) things were fine. However, late last night, after leaving one of the events, I laid in bed wondering if I was good enough. Do I seem silly around these people? Am I someone that my husband would feel proud to have around his friends? Am I sophisticated enough to be friends with these people? It has been a long time since I have felt that way and it didn't feel good. Insecurities that I thought I had left in high school might always lurk around my life.
Last night I didn't come to any earth shattering conclusions, but did have a great conversation with my husband who assured me that I could be a sophisticated Phd student if I wanted to. I have all the skills and abilities, but am strongly lacking in any form of desire. And it is true. I am happy with who I am right now and what my life is about. Maybe one day I will get a Phd or maybe I won't. I have great friends and family who know me and respect me for who I am. I also am blessed with an amazing husband who loves me because of who I am.
What is better than that?

Spring Break Approaching

Something I have learned this past year is that school breaks are not really breaks for graduate students. There is always something to read or write or research. My husband and I are going to go visit our family for a few days over this spring break and for me that means a four day holiday. Woohoo! For my husband, on the other hand, it means he will have to work on a giant paper while also hanging out with family. Something that was supposed to be non-stressful is rapidly becoming stressful. 
So this begs the question in my mind....Was it a good idea to plan this trip? We both miss home and are excited to see family, but would it have been a better thing to do in the Summer? Or maybe it doesn't matter when we plan trips and vacations there will always be papers lurking around the corner.
I guess we will find out next week. Fingers crossed that my husband will be able to focus on family and school and have fun in the process.
I will let you all know how it goes!

The Beginning

I have never blogged before. (And I wonder how many blogs start with that first sentence?) My husband suggested I start this blog because of everything that we have gone through, are going through, as a married couple with just one of us in grad school. He said I can be completely honest and up front about everything, I wonder if he really means that....
My husband is near the end of his first year of a five year PhD program in Comparative Literature. I am working for a non-profit agency as an AmeriCorps member. Put the two together and it equals lots of stress and not much time for breathing and enjoying life.
This first year of grad school has been challenging, amazing, and really really hard. This is our second year of marriage and I can say for sure that it has echoed the same attributes.
My vision for this blog (I am saying this for future me to look back on) is to share how we are succeeding, and failing at this thing called Graduate school life.
Wish me luck!