Changes

This past month has been a flurry of activity. It has left my husband and I exhausted, but unfortunately instead of having time to recover we are both thrust into situations that are the opposite of rest. My husband started his third year of grad school today and I started a new full-time job. Both of these are wonderful things and I am so thankful to have this new job, but starting a new job is always overwhelming and I feel like I am coming into it empty and burned out. Looking and my bleary eyed husband across this small round table at Starbucks, I think he feels the same way about this new semester.
Let me bring (all 3 of you) up to date....
In the beginning of August we were called by our landlord and asked to move in two days, instead of the next week, which was what was originally planned. This meant that we had to pack up our apartment, find people to help us, and move in a frantic rush. I'm glad that we were able to just get it done, but it was physically tiring to say the least!
Then, just a couple days later, I was called in to interview for a new job. I got the job! But only had two weeks before I needed to start. So, I spent two weeks trying to wrap up my old job, find a replacement, and then train her.
I started my new job last Wednesday and after three days of training was on my own for the first day today. I am so happy to be working at this job and I think it is going to be fantastic, but sort of feel like I am floundering at the moment. Where do I even begin? There are many aspects of this job that make me uncomfortable, ex. calling people I have never met to discuss their children, or driving places I have never been with strangers who I am responsible for. But, since I have experienced these things before I know that they will challenge me and I will grow from them. I am just trying not to think about it right now...
On the bright (er) side. We finally got a kitty! We got her from a animal shelter, so she is rather skittish. I think she was a stray. So far she has spent the past two days either in a crate or in a closet. I think she sneaks around at night, so that is good. We are really hoping that she warms up soon :/
It is nice to have something soft and purring around however and she is very sweet.
We shall see!

Soon

I have been thinking quite a bit about our upcoming move. I have to say what I really want to do is buy a bunch of new furniture and art and lamps and little decorative items. Alas, with our meager budget that isn't exactly affordable. I wish I was one of those people who loved to hunt around in thrift stores, but I hate to say that I am more of a Target shopper. Maybe I can change?
What is exciting is that we will have so much more room to play around with. I haven't bought anything for our apartment in a really long time because there isn't anywhere to put anything else. Anything I buy just becomes clutter or in the way. One thing I am excited about is having a dining room table again. Right now our table is used mostly for stuff that has no where else to go. Like mail or books. It is amazing how quickly the pile builds. Then, come dinner time, the idea of actually figuring out where everything should go is too overwhelming and we usually just eat at the coffee table. So, having space to put a little shelf or side table just for the purpose of the "things that have no proper place to live" will be wonderful. Then I will reclaim the dining room table for food eating only.
There are several other things I want to buy like this a couple of these and this for our patio. I have many ideas...needless to say I am excited. And last, but not least, fingers crossed that this will also happen ;).

Heat

The heat of summer is officially upon us. For some reason during the freezingness of winter, when I am complaining and wishing desperately for summer, I don't remember these really hot and humid days. Also, it is 8:30 in the morning. And I am already feeling the heat. Part of the problem is that our living room wall (which is also a giant window) is where the sun, as it rises in all of its glory, beams in ferociously. Making a hot and sticky start to the day.
In better and more positive news...we are moving in just about a month. And I am fairly sure, if I am remembering the layout correctly, we will not have this whole sun problem. So that is exciting. But doesn't really help when I am desperate for a cup of coffee, but know that after the first sip I will start sweating. What about making it an iced coffee? (you say) Well, just not worth it if it isn't cold brewed (says the ex-barista).
Today is the 4th of July and also a Wednesday. So, I am taking the day off of work, which is something I hardly ever do for holidays like this. But it is good to take a day off of work to spend with my hubs every now and then.
I suppose that is all there is to say. Happy 4th of July!

Blueberries and Fireflies

Well, it is finally summer and the joy that brings me is almost too hard to describe.
It has been a couple months since I have updated this blog and truthfully I almost wrote a couple times, but couldn't think of anything to say. I think this was mostly due to the fact that this past spring was really hard for me. I felt myself spiraling farther into negativity and bitterness with each passing week. I am generally a positive-glass-half-full type of person, so seeing myself get caught up in the other direction was scary.
Thankfully, time and encouraging people in my life helped me get out of that slump and here I sit. Ready to write.
Today is the most beautiful day. There is no humidity, which, in my opinion, can be the death of a pretty day, and the birds are going crazy. One thing I do like about this little town is that there are a ridiculous amount of birds, bunnies, groundhogs, and squirrels. It is a little bit like living in a Disney movie at times. Also, fireflies. Or lightning bugs, as I used to call them growing up. It is amazing how much more magical night becomes when you see little flashing bugs.
Another element of summer that I am enjoying is fruit. My husband has been away for the past month so my diet has consisted of mostly fruit and salad. I have to say that usually I am a banana and apple kind of a girl, but with all of the peaches, blueberries, and strawberries around I have definitely expanded my horizons. Current obsession is blueberries. At first I would put a delicate scoop on my oatmeal in the morning, but now  I have begun snarfling them down by the handful (yes, snarfling). Also, the desire to make baked fruit items has increased exponentially. I actually made a strawberry coffee cake the other day spur of the moment.
I have to say that I am very excited about all the upcoming warm days and firefly filled nights.

Is it worth it?

I don't want to do two spring related posts in a row, but it is hard not to when birds are tweeting outside my window and the sun is beaming in. It almost makes up for the fact that I got one less hour of sleep last night :)

I would like to begin this post with a question. Is grad school worth it?
This is a question I have gone back and forth on in the past couple years. I have to admit that more often than not, I think it isn't worth it. It isn't worth the endless hours of work that my husband has to do. It isn't worth him taking ONE day off in the past three months (that includes weekends). It isn't worth the endless pressure and stress that he is constantly under.
Or is it?
This is definetely one of those situations where in five years we will have a much better idea of if it was worth it or not. Unfortunately, while in the midst of it, it is really hard to see outside of this endlessness.
I guess we will find out in the days, months, and years to come!

Spring?

It is finally March and I couldn't be happier! Although this winter was warmer then last winter it hit me harder this year somehow. I miss warm sunshine. Not the weak sun with the blasting cold wind that seems to be all to common around here. I miss taking walks around the neighborhood soaking up warmth.
But, it seems that Spring is on its way! Birds have started tentatively tweeting, a bunny has been spotted in the grassy area by our apartment (although he only comes out at night, which seems odd) and it is supposed to be 60 degrees in a couple days (I have my doubts about that one, but hopefully I will be pleasantly surprised:). What I am anxiously waiting for are the little weedy flowers that start sprouting up as a first sign of spring. So far, there is not a green thing in sight, but I will keep you updated.
This week is Spring Break. Last year we went to visit our family in New Mexico for Spring Break and I can't help thinking about how nice that was. Unfortunately this year it made more sense for us to just stay put. I keep getting all annoyed that I don't get to take any time off of work, but then I realize that just because my husband is on a university schedule doesn't mean that I am too! To be fair, he doesn't get any time off either. He has papers to write, presentations to prepare, and exams to grade. Poor guy, he is the one who really needs a break. Who ever said grad school was a piece of cake? I am pretty sure no one ever did.  

Worlds

I was going to share a poem with you all today. One that I had written a few years ago and recently found in the deep dark recesses of Facebook. But, I have been thinking lately about how once you put up something on the internet it is no longer yours. All of my words and stories can now be copied and taken by anyone who might stumble across this little blog. Not that the poem I was going to share was worth stealing, but one day if I discovered it posted elsewhere I think my heart would break.
Another thing I have been thinking about is the title of this blog and how I haven't actually been talking about my life as the wife of a grad student. So, maybe I will share a little of what is going on with that now. 
My husband is about to take his Candidacy Exam. What the heck is that? (you may ask) It is the first of two big tests he has to take in his program. His second test will be his Comprehensive Exam, and that will be next Spring and much more of a nightmare than this one. That is the one that everyone really freaks out about. Because if you fail that one you may have another chance to take it, but if not, you are done for.
Back to the test at hand. I have absolute and full confidence that my husband is going to rock it. He is a really brilliant man and has so much knowledge about what he is studying. It is rare to see him not have a good response to a question.
So, his test is this Friday and it is hard watching him stress out about this and worry that he won't pass. Also, I'm not really sure how to help him. I am really good at taking care of him; making sure we have food and our house is (relatively) clean (at the very least in a livable state). I do the laundry every now and then. And I do my best to make sure we have dinner every night :) But, these are not things that help him feel confident and ready to face his professors, who often seem to be out for grad student blood.
This is the part of grad school that no one talks about. How can you help your studious spouse when you spend the majority of your time living a completely non-scholastic life? I feel like we live in three different worlds. I live in one, he lives in another, and we share the third. It is hard for both of us to relate to the other one's world because they are so different. Thankfully we have one world we share together and although that world is usually affected by the stresses and difficulties from the other two worlds, we do have some pretty great times. When I look at other grad student couples, I don't know many and it makes sense why, I imagine them having an easy breezy time. Maybe we just don't know how to handle it yet? Maybe we are not mature enough as a couple to have it all figured out? These are things I wonder. But hopefully as time goes on we get better at this (at life?) and become stronger for it.

Sisters

 **Listen to THIS while you are reading. It will make the experience more enjoyable :)**

I would like to start off this post saying that I am feeling much better. And even though it is snaiting outside (snow-rain-sleet) and the ground is covered in slushy ice, my spirits are much higher than they have been in awhile. Being in the doldrums this past week has made me realize how negative I can be. I also complain a lot. But, instead of focusing on how I can change and improve myself etc. I would like to talk about how wonderful my sister is.
The highlight of my job is g-chatting with her everyday. It is something we started about a year ago when I began working in an office. It is amazing how much it brightens my day. And although I end up complaining to her and tossing negativity her way through the internet, she is always encouraging and empathizes with all my little problems. It is so fun to share recipes, exercise aspirations, and anything else interesting, or not, that is happening in our lives. On the days we don't chat, I miss her terribly.
I cannot emphasize enough how much I love having a sister. I think everyone should have one, and if you don't I hope you have a sisterly friend. As we have gotten older my sister and I have grown closer. I remember we went through a stage when we were young when we really didn't get along. I remember her telling me to get out of her room and me saying no and battles ensuing of me pushing the door open to get in and her pushing it closed to keep me out. I remember that happening a lot. To be honest I thought she was really cool and wanted to hang out in her room, which was also really cool. (I still remember the awesome bedspread and matching curtains that she had. I think my mom might have made them...)
Thankfully that stage passed and when she went off to college she only became cooler. When she would come home for vacations she would always bring me a bunch of teen magazines, tapes she made of songs on the radio, and videos of MTV music videos. Thinking about it now I am amazed at how much time she put into those presents. To a sheltered teen living in China these were my only link to American culture and I read, listened, and watched them over and over again. They made me feel cool.
My sister has always been concerned about me. It is amazing to be cared for by someone who just wants the best for me and wants me to be happy. She really loves me for who I am. That doesn't mean she doesn't see my faults, and, being my sister, she is not afraid to let me know how I can change. She is not afraid to push me. Often, right out of my comfort zone. But, since she is my sister she can get away with it.
There has never been a time in my life when she hasn't been there for me. I can share everything that is going on in my life with her and I always know that she has my back. It is amazing to me how blessed I am to have her as my sister.I feel like I could go on and on about how amazing she is.
My sister is a wonderful person. She is extremely intelligent, kind, and has such a compassionate heart. She inspires me every day with her love and desire for God. She is brave, adventurous, and I can't wait to see what lies ahead for her. I am so honored to be able to walk next to her through this life.
I love you bean.

Sick days

Well, it has been a while since I have blogged. In all honesty I have some great excuses.
Excuse #1) Last week was pretty busy in terms of school work. I had my first paper for class due and also a bunch of reading for class. This class is much more intense than the one I took last semester, that is for sure.
Excuse #2) I have been sick. The kind of sick that drags on and on and morphs from one thing to another. I had a cough then a cold then maybe an ear infection? No, just kidding it is still just a cold. Maybe a cough again? Perhaps something like a sinus infection? No, we will just stick to a cold. But, maybe we will throw in an ear infection just for kicks at the end, we shall see.
So, I think those are pretty good excuses. Also, February is making me depressed. Endless days of chilly weather and mostly dreary days. Snow. Sigh.
In short, I am unmotivated and disheartened.
Hopefully things will perk up soon!

Stuff

So obviously I did not write about the second topic that I mentioned in my last blog. And, unfortunately, I have lost my passion to discuss it. Don't worry it wasn't that interesting, just some heated comments on how Walmart treats their employees. Nothing that anyone hasn't heard before :)
I guess what has been on my mind lately is stuff. As in we have a lot of stuff and I sometimes feel like our little one bedroom apartment is going to explode. Don't get me wrong. We are no where close to being hoarders. Well, maybe book hoarders, but what can you expect with a husband studying comparative literature? I am just really bad at throwing things away. I have this thought, right as I am headed to the trash can, what if I need this and will regret throwing it out? With clothes I especially struggle. And the thing is that I often regret giving clothes away. I still think of a couple sweatshirts that I wish I hadn't and a certain pair of pants that were given to my sister on a whim that I still tear up about on occasion... But, am I living successfully without them? Yes. Do I think of them every day? No. So I think I am okay.
In August we are moving across the street to a two bedroom apartment. My husband and I were ready to move yesterday. The new apartment will be wonderful. First of all, we will be on the third floor. Currently we are on the first floor, sort of sunk down so our patio is below ground level. Which is kind of lame. But, good for squirrels and chipmunks to play in and great for the multitude of spiders that have made it their home. I am excited to have a patio that we can actually go out on. Makes me dream of plants and patio chairs and wine outside in the evening. Also, two bedrooms. Need I say more? The other day I was surveying our apartment and dreaming of all the closet space we will have next year. Right now things are stuffed here and there and you have to be very careful or an avalanche will come crashing down upon you. The biggest perk, and main reason why we are willing to pinch pennies to have a two bedroom, is that my husband can have an office. Right now his space is a table squished into the corner of our livingroom/dining room/kitchen. This gives him no privacy to work. Which is important when you are in grad school. He tries to study and I dance around singing in the kitchen while making dinner. I am sure it is very distracting for him. Come to think of it, maybe I should be quieter.
Either way, in six months he will have his own space where he can shut a door and block out my distracting, although amazing, dance moves-singing combinations.(or, which also commenly happens, episodes of Voyager that I watch on my computer while cooking).
The only downside to our new place is the lame kitchen. The one we have now I really love. I love that it opens up into the living room and there is tons of counter space. And we have a dishwasher. It is cozy and cute. Our future kitchen is tiny and narrow, a galley kitchen is what I think they are called. And does not have a dishwasher. Or hardly any counter space. But, we will make it work and get creative.
Also, we will have room to potentially, fingers crossed, get a cat. Which is something I dream of daily and I know would make my life complete. :)
All this to say we have a lot of stuff. But, since we are moving to a bigger place do I really need to go through it and get rid of some of it? I am voting no.

Wanderlust

There are a couple things that I want to write about. So I am going to write about one tonight and one tomorrow. I think I will go for what will probably be the shorter post. (As I say that I realize it actually might not be). Here is a song I welcome you to listen to while you read this post, because it fits my mood exactly Grimes-"Genesis"

I grew up in China. Have I mentioned that to you yet? Either way I moved there when I was six and was there until I graduated high school. This experience has shaped me in so many ways, but the way that is impacting me the most right now is that I seem to have a restlessness about living in the US. According to the internet (hm) the definition of wanderlust is "a strong desire to travel." I get this desire every couple years. I know that I could just pick up and move away without looking back. I know this because I have done it several times. I remember once telling a friend in college that I could just drop out of college and move away without missing anyone. She got really upset about that, probably because it was extremely insensitive of me to say that to a good friend. But it has always been true. The friendships I make, although always very real to me, are, when it comes down to it, expendable. Which is an awful thing to say and makes me sound like an awful person.
Maybe if I give a little background you will understand me better.
Throughout my life I have had to say good bye to so many friends. I would become close to people and then two years later they move away and I would never see them again. You have to understand also that when I say "close" I mean really close. There is something about being the only teen foreigners in city of four million Chinese that forms intense bonds. So you learn how to form those bonds and then say goodbye. And you learn to move on.
I realize now that I have completely strayed from my original topic. Let us redirect this conversation.
Wanderlust; I have it. So, while thinking about this while I was walking to work today a song came on my ipod. One that I would absolutely never listen to in public, but I secretly love. It is one of those dancy Mexican songs that you hear blaring out of a cars in New Mexico all the time. I realized that I don't want to go traveling the world. I want to settle down, but I really don't want it to be here. By here I mean the United States. There are a million reasons why (one of which I will discuss tomorrow). I want to raise my hypothetical children learning Spanish right along side of English. I want to make breads and tortillas from scratch because I can't buy them in a store.
Most desperately I want to do something different. Growing up in China spoiled me. Living a life that is challenging and difficult is what I want. Hiking up seven flights of stairs with ten bags of groceries, biking in freezing rainy weather, not having bread unless it was made in a breadmaker, black olives being a novelty, always being stared at, I think I could go on for a while.
I miss all of those things.

Beans.

Living as a grad student's wife has taught me several things. I will list a few of them.
1) Never question the amount of books your husband buys on Amazon.
2) Mentally prepare for finals week at the beginning of each semester.
3) Always have coffee on hand.
4) Try your best to keep to a budget.
This last one is what I am struggling with now. Since I only cook vegetarian I want to fill the house with all sorts of amazing fruits and vegetables. Unfortunately, these tend to be a little pricey.
Also, I don't want us to eat the same things over and over again, which is what tends to happen. I fall easily into pasta ruts and happily stay there.
What scared me most about becoming vegetarian was that we would become more breadatarians or cheesatarians. Because that is easier. And I don't love salad. So I always have to be on watch, because if I let my guard down for even a day suddenly I realize that I have gone several meals without eating a vegetable. Which defeats the point right? Right.
But how do I put together delicious and healthy meals on a tight budget? I think I have found the answer.
Beans.
Filling, healthy, rich in protein. They really are magical. So, to be even more money savvy I am cooking up dried beans in the crock pot today. This is something I saw my mom do hundreds of times. I grew up on these beans. But have never done it myself because, well, let's face it...I'm rather lazy. Today that all changes. Today my beans will cook diligently while I am at work and I shall come home to a pot of goodness. At least this is my plan and if I somehow screw up slow cooked beans then I have other things to worry about.
I know beans will not solve all of my dilemmas; I still need to figure out how to incorporate more veggies. But, I will leave that to another time and just enjoy eating burritos, for the next ten meals...

Bitter Cold

As I am on my second winter in Pennsylvania I decided that snow boots needed to happen. So after searching everywhere for the perfect pair I finally found them at Payless. That was surprising to me.
So it snowed (a tiny bit) yesterday so I thought it would be the perfect excuse to try them out. By walking to work, which takes about forty minutes.
The walk itself was great. I really enjoyed it. The fact it was 21 degrees and felt like -5 and there were 45 mph wind gusts made it a little bit arctic feeling. At times I wondered how cold your legs have to be before they freeze and fall off. At other times I wondered if I stopped at some strangers house and asked if I could just warm up there for a minute if that would make me weak. Either way I made it successfully, with bright red checks and bright red legs.
My husband was a star and picked me up after work so I didn't have to make the return journey.
That was this years first winter adventure.

Months later...

I am so ashamed that it has been months since I have written here. Although I can only think of maybe four people who will read this, I started this because I wanted an outlet for my thoughts during this time in my life. So here we go again, maybe 2012 will be a better blogging year for me!
I must admit I follow quite a few fashion blogs. Part of me loves looking at the clothes, but mostly it amazes me that these women have the energy, desire, (money) and creativity for these amazing outfits. Sometimes I want to step into their lives. Because they seem very glamorous. Why do they all live in interesting places that have great travel spots just a day drive away? How do they have the time to take so many random day trips? I would be lying if I said that these fashion blogs were not extremely influential in the start up of own little blog. So if one day a picture of me in some outfit sneaks onto this site, don't be too surprised :)
In other news, the Spring school semester has started and I am so excited to take another class. The class I am taking is small, I think only five or six students, so that should be wonderful. Funny how that appeals to me now. My first year of college I went to a tiny university and my largest class was maybe twenty-five students and my smallest was seven or so. I hated this. After coming from a small high school all I wanted was to get lost in a sea of students. I didn't want the teacher to know my name or call on me specifically. I wanted to sit in the back and hide and skip class occasionally without anyone knowing. So I transfered to a State school where I could do just that. And it was wonderful.
Now, however, I love small classes. Partly because I have become more chatty in class and want to have the opportunity to show off all of the great knowledge (ahem) that I have to my fellow classmates. And partly because I feel like I gain more from the class.
It all starts tomorrow and I hope it goes well. To those few readers out there...I will try and keep you updated!