Wanderlust

There are a couple things that I want to write about. So I am going to write about one tonight and one tomorrow. I think I will go for what will probably be the shorter post. (As I say that I realize it actually might not be). Here is a song I welcome you to listen to while you read this post, because it fits my mood exactly Grimes-"Genesis"

I grew up in China. Have I mentioned that to you yet? Either way I moved there when I was six and was there until I graduated high school. This experience has shaped me in so many ways, but the way that is impacting me the most right now is that I seem to have a restlessness about living in the US. According to the internet (hm) the definition of wanderlust is "a strong desire to travel." I get this desire every couple years. I know that I could just pick up and move away without looking back. I know this because I have done it several times. I remember once telling a friend in college that I could just drop out of college and move away without missing anyone. She got really upset about that, probably because it was extremely insensitive of me to say that to a good friend. But it has always been true. The friendships I make, although always very real to me, are, when it comes down to it, expendable. Which is an awful thing to say and makes me sound like an awful person.
Maybe if I give a little background you will understand me better.
Throughout my life I have had to say good bye to so many friends. I would become close to people and then two years later they move away and I would never see them again. You have to understand also that when I say "close" I mean really close. There is something about being the only teen foreigners in city of four million Chinese that forms intense bonds. So you learn how to form those bonds and then say goodbye. And you learn to move on.
I realize now that I have completely strayed from my original topic. Let us redirect this conversation.
Wanderlust; I have it. So, while thinking about this while I was walking to work today a song came on my ipod. One that I would absolutely never listen to in public, but I secretly love. It is one of those dancy Mexican songs that you hear blaring out of a cars in New Mexico all the time. I realized that I don't want to go traveling the world. I want to settle down, but I really don't want it to be here. By here I mean the United States. There are a million reasons why (one of which I will discuss tomorrow). I want to raise my hypothetical children learning Spanish right along side of English. I want to make breads and tortillas from scratch because I can't buy them in a store.
Most desperately I want to do something different. Growing up in China spoiled me. Living a life that is challenging and difficult is what I want. Hiking up seven flights of stairs with ten bags of groceries, biking in freezing rainy weather, not having bread unless it was made in a breadmaker, black olives being a novelty, always being stared at, I think I could go on for a while.
I miss all of those things.